


December 20th

by Gab_z



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Jealousy, M/M, sad Hide is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 14:45:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6961231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gab_z/pseuds/Gab_z
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During an annual bookstore visit Hide runs into some unexpected people.</p><p>Or</p><p>Hide's unexpected meeting with three of the quinx.</p>
            </blockquote>





	December 20th

**Author's Note:**

> I thought of this and wrote it down while listening to the cover of 'lie' by Jubyphonic...

It was a normal day, a day like all the others or at least it was for everyone else. It wasn't raining, cloudy or any other thing of the sort, no, it was a sunny day and just the right temperature to boot, not too chilly. 

It was a normal day but it was _that_ day.

Hide did not like this day. Under different circumstances it would've been a day for celebration where there would be presents to give, cake to eat—or not—and an atmosphere of happiness. Instead, it was only a day of mourning. A day of regret. A day where he spend even more time than any other day pondering if he could've done anything differently...

He sighed, threw the covers off and sat up. He had the day off, like he did every year since that day. Despite his lack of energy and will to do anything there was one thing that had to be done, a ritual of sorts that he did on this very day every year.

He got clothed, nothing special, just a plain white shirt, brown slacks and a warm sweater. He made sure that the scars on and around his collarbone were well hidden. His hair as unkept but he could care less, his appearance did not matter. Nothing mattered.

He walked over to the door that led outside and sighed, it was only a day like all the others, no one he would encounter would know what had transpired three years ago...

The sky was bright, insultingly so, weren't days like these supposed to be overcast? That's how it always was in movies. Hide supposed that the nice weather only drove home the fact that this wasn't a play or book or even a movie; there was no mood to set, no atmosphere to make. It was reality and he so wished it wasn't.

Hide's final and only destination was a small but well known book store. It was rather far from his current location—he couldn't risk running into _him_ —but he made an exception on this day.

He went to his trusty bicycle, even if it was winter, it costed less than a taxi and if he were to go anywhere he might as well get a bit of exercise out of it. He swung a leg over his bike and peddled away.

~•~

Once he arrived at the bookstore he got off his bike and chained to the closest lamppost.

One book, that was all he was here for, one book then he was gone. It was easy.

Upon entering Hide wasted no time getting to the horror section of the library, that was where he'd find the book he wanted. The shelves that made up the horror section were a deep shade of red which Hide always found pretty cool. All the shelves in all the genres had different colours to match said genres... It was really cool.

He reached out for the book, the latest in Takatsuki Sen's works, and was glad that he had gotten there when he had since it was the last copy.

"Damn it," a voice said from behind him, "he took the last one."

"It doesn't matter," a smaller voice replied, "we can just go check out another bookstore."

"I don't think Maman will care where we get the book." A third person said.

Hide turned around, curious as to who also wanted the book. He instantly regretted it, because not only did he know who the three individuals where, he knew who they were buying it for.

"Oh," he tried to play off his uneasiness as best he could, "you wanted this?" He raised the book in front of him.

"It's not for us," the orange haired one muttered, "it's for our mentor."

Hide smiled, it was a little too wide, a little too forced.

"I see," he said with forced cheer, "any specific occasion?"

"Not really, Maman really likes to read and Takatsuki is his favourite author," the woman with pig tails—Saiko—answered.

"He's a total book nerd," Shirazu, if Hide recalled correctly, mumbled.

"Well, Mr. Sasaki really does enjoy his books," the one with green hair—Mutsuki—said amiably.

"Sounds an awful lot like some I knew," his voice almost cracked. Why, oh why did he have to run into them, at least it wasn't Kane—Sasaki himself.

Hide stared at the book in his hands. If he bought it, it would ultimately go to waste, he never read any of the books he bought on this day, they were all for Kaneki.

"Here," he handed the book over, "you can have it. I won't be reading it anyways."

"Huh?' Mutsuki frowned, "then why were you going to buy it."

"... It was for a friend," he answered softly.

It was Saiko's turn to furrow her brows, "then why are you given it to us?"

Hide looked at the floor, "the person I'm buying this for... isn't around anymore."

Mutsuki' eyes widened and placed a hand over his mouth, "oh, we're so sorry."

Hide gave a small laugh, "it's no problem really, I just got into the habit of buying a book in his memory on this day."

"How'd he die?" Shirazu asked out of nowhere.

"Shirazu!" Saiko scolded him, "you can't just ask that!"

"It's fine, he passed away three years ago, that's plenty of time to get over it," that wasn't true, "and to answer your question, he was murdered."

He supposed that was the closest to the truth that he could tell them. Three years ago Kaneki Ken had his life whisked away by the Reaper.

"That sucks..." Mutsuki muttered.

"Like I said, it's fine," Hide waved his hand in a dismissal gesture, "he was an avid book reader and that's why I want you take it, I'm sure Sasaki will put this book to better use than I ever could." He had to make a conscious effort to not stumble over the name 'Sasaki'.

"Ah... Thanks!" Saiko smiled, "I'm sure Maman will really appreciate this."

She extended her hands and Hide passed the book over, his fingers slipping over the cover has he did. This might as well be the closest to Kaneki that he'll ever get...

"Actually," he got his wallet out, "take this," he handed them a 2000¥ note, "that should cover it."

Saiko's eyes widened, "whaaa? We can't just accept this! Why are you doing this?"

Hide scratched the back of his head, "a good deed?"

"I don't believe you," Shirazu said, "but if you want to pay..." He shrugged.

Mutsuki bowed deeply, "thank you very much..."

"Hide," he answered, "just Hide."

Still bowing Mutsuki reiterated, "thank you very much Hide-san."

"Ah, well, it's not everyday we get to make for a stranger," and that's what Sasaki was to him, a stranger... and that hurt.

Sasaki was Kaneki and at the same time he wasn't. But he was alive and had people who cared for him, for now—forever—that would have to do...

His best friend had gotten a second chance at happiness and he was happy for him... even if he couldn't be a part of his life. He was happy, he really truly was.

He was happy but most of all he was jealous—jealous of the trio that stood before him. Why did they get to have Kaneki in their lives? He knew him better than any of them could ever hope to. He had been there when his mother—that bitch—had died, he had been there to defend him from bullies, to drag him outside after he'd spent the entire weekend reading, to bring him the notes he'd missed, to laugh and cry together...

He had searched for him day in and day out, he had glued missing poster everywhere, he'd joined the CCG, he'd missed classes... And finally, after so long, he'd found him in the sewers only to have him ripped away seconds later...

He had been there for him always, up until the very end.

Unlike before, now he knew where Kaneki—not Kaneki—was but he couldn't go, he couldn't see him. Partially because the CCG had been very clear on the matter but mostly because Kaneki wouldn't recognize him. No, it went deeper than that, he wouldn't know him. Hide wasn't sure how he'd react if he saw a confused and curious look in his eyes. The history they had shared together was erased form his memory, his entire life was bleached away leaving behind a perfect canvas for the CCG to mold to their needs.

If Kaneki were dead it would be so much easier to put the past away and move on but he wasn't dead, he was alive and a mere car drive away... So close yet so far.

Amnesia really was horrible. Knowing that Kaneki was alive but that he didn't know him... He was alive, he would hang onto that small fact; he would derive happiness from that small fact.

"Hum... Is everything ok?" Saiko asked worriedly.

"Huh?" Hide blinked.

"You're crying..." Saiko continued hesitantly.

"Ah!" He brought a hand up to wipe the tears away, "haha, sorry... Well, I'll be going now! Hope Sasaki likes the book!"

He dashed away in a hurry not willing to give an explanation for his crying... It would be hard to explain especially since he'd just said that he was over it.

He had to get away before they finished purchasing the book. He fumbled for the key to the lock on his chain. When he finally got it his hand was shacking. He got it in eventually. With a click the lock opened and he undid the chain from around the lamppost reattaching it so as for it to hang around the body of his bike.

He got on and clenched the handlebars until his knuckles turned white. Once his breathing was somewhat under control he peddled off. Never had he been more glad that the shop wasn't on a very busy street.

~•~

"Maman!" Saiko yelled, "we're home and we have something for you!"

Thumping and creaking could be heard from above signalling that someone was running upstairs. The running stopped and the trio spotted feet on the stairs.

"Welcome back," Sasaki greeted when he reached the bottom.

"Sassan, catch," Shirazu grabbed the book out of Saiko's hands and tossed it over to Sasaki.

"Huh?" Pause. Eyes widened, "Takatsu—you really didn't need to do this," he scratched the back of his head.

"We know you like reading so we figured you might want a book and Sen is you're favourite writer and she wrote a new one so we got it and—" Mutsuki's nervous ramble was cut short by Saiko's hand.

"What he's trying to say is that we thought it would make you happy," she explained.

"It's not that I'm ungrateful," Sasaki said, "but this really was t necessary, you should've kept your money."

They glanced at each other.

"That's the thing," Shirazu started, "we didn't pay for it, some dude insisted on given us money to pay the book with."

"He was really nice," Mutsuki added.

"Why?" Sasaki asked, "why did he do that?"

"He said that he once had a friend that enjoyed reading a lot but that he was murder some time ago and that ever since then he would buy a book on this day in his memory," Saiko said solemnly, "he added that you would be a better person to receive the book, since you'd actually read it."

Sasaki tilted his head, "why today? What's so important about the 20th of December?"

Shirazu shrugged, "who knows."

"Did you at least get his phone number?" Sasaki pressed on, "I'd love to thank him personally."

"Ahhh," Saiko hesitated, "we didn't think of that. We have his name though!" The last part was said with much more enthusiasm, "it was Hide!"

"Hide, huh," Sasaki mumbled, letting the name roll off of his tongue, "that sounds familiar..." The name made him feel happy but sad at the same time... Someone he knew before?

"You're crying again," Shirazu pointed out, "like that one time at the coffee shop."

Sasaki didn't respond, he was to focused thinking about this mysterious Hide...

...  
...  
...

Why December the 20th?

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone confused, Kaneki's birthday is on December the 20th
> 
> *I put Haise's birthday by accident the first time around.


End file.
